A man comes home from the office, walks inside and hangs up his coat and hat at the door. He walks into the kitchen to find his wife has not made dinner instead she is drinking with friends, she tells him that she would have made dinner but she didnt want to. Furious, the man storms to the door, grabs his coat and leaves... He gets in his car and drives down to the pub. Sitting there drinking his beer, trying to calm down he finds a peice of paper tucked into his coat pocket, he unfolds it and reads it. It turns out to be a memo he wrote to remind himself at work that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Knock knock Who's there? Forever alone Forever alone who? You.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

a drug dealer was caught and sent to jail. he asks the cop if he could give the cop the drugs for bail. the cop does not except the offer because it is against the law.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Whats the difference........ between a duck?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

-Whats the worst part about being a black jew? -You have to sit in the back of the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin turned to the other and said, "Boy, its getting hot in here." The other muffin said, "WE ARE GOING TO DIE IN HERE AND NO ONE WILL HERE US SCREAM."

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Why did the black man win the race? Because he was talented and hardworking.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

So this guy tells me he hasn't had a bite in weeks. So i bought him lunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Why doesn't stevie wonder play snooker? Because it's not very popular in the US.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

So there was a pirate, he got shot in the back. And when he got shot he turned to his freind (fellow pirate) and said i have been shot and there is a pretty good chance i will die.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Knock Knock Who's There? No One You're Crazy

thumb_up thumb_down +53

My dog has no nose, so how does it smell? It can't, I just told you it has no nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Rebecca Black.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do you say to the man with lopsided balls? I am terribly sorry, your condition has most certainly left you socially alienated and confused.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

what do you call a cup?... a cup

thumb_up thumb_down +41

hi

thumb_up thumb_down +41

-Knock Knock -Whos there? -The police -OH SHIT

thumb_up thumb_down +39

An English man, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They each buy a pint and talk about their day.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do you call a jew with no money It doesn't really matter because all jews have money

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Jacob Edwards has friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What Starts with P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops