A man sees the doctor. "Doctor, if I hit myself on my head, it hurts, if I hit myself on my arm, it hurts, and if I hit myself on my leg, it hurts as well." "The case is clear. You need to f*ing stop hitting yourself!"

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A man comes home from the office, walks inside and hangs up his coat and hat at the door. He walks into the kitchen to find his wife has not made dinner instead she is drinking with friends, she tells him that she would have made dinner but she didnt want to. Furious, the man storms to the door, grabs his coat and leaves... He gets in his car and drives down to the pub. Sitting there drinking his beer, trying to calm down he finds a peice of paper tucked into his coat pocket, he unfolds it and reads it. It turns out to be a memo he wrote to remind himself at work that day.

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Roses are red. Voilets are blue I'm Morgan Freeman and I CAN SMELL YOU...

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what do you do if a blonde throws you a grenade. scream. run. hide

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Why did the guy kill his friends? He didn't, he doesn't have any friends

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I learned a new party trick over the weekend; I swallow a piece of string and it comes out my other end tied! I shit you knot.

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What's big, red and looks like a bucket? A small blue bucket labeled big red bucket.

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How did Little Jimmie leave school? In a body bag.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because-- ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????? ??????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????

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What do you call a red sore on your genitals? Herpes, probably.

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GAY PEOPLE

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minorities.

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What's the difference between a black man and water? All black men have water in them, but not all water has a black man in it.

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Why did the cow go moo, because its a cow

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A blonde walks into a store and asks for the microwave behind the counter. The man behind the register promptly hands her the microwave and charges her $435 for it, which is utterly ridiculous.

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What did the father tell his son on his death bed? Nothing. He was hit by a car and was now a vegetable.

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You're momma's so fat, that I just wanna go over there and make hot passionate love to her. What? I'm a chubby chaser.

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Why are "Polish" and "polish" spelled the same? The word is a homophone.

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-Knock Knock -Whos there? -The police -OH SHIT

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Why did somebody text "lol"? Because they laughed out loud.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Your landlord, clear out your stuff by tuesday"

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Q: What is green, blue, white and red? A: They're colors

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to a chicken

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when do you go to heaven? Never, it doesn't exist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops