a. get me a drink b. a would but but i got no arms

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A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

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Why did the mushroom go to the party? He was feeling upset because his wife left him and took full custody of his three kids. His friend cheered him up and took him to the party. At the party, he did a line of cocaine and became a drug addict. He died six months later.

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Why did OJ SImpson never get convicted of murder? Because after going to court and proving his innocence a jury of twelve people found him not guilty.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Probably nothing

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

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Whats helped us not be mad at Osama Binladen. His death.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because-- ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????? ??????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????

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Why doesn't stevie wonder play snooker? Because it's not very popular in the US.

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I have read and agree to terms of service.

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Why couldn't Maria play Softball? She was born without legs.

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Why are black guys so tall? Because their knee grows

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Q: why did the black man cry when he went to bed? A: he had just had a visit from the police and apparently his family had been tragically killed in a car accident.

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*Hands women baby* Women: Hes so beatiful! I'm going to love him forever! Doctor: Its not yours, yours died.

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why did bully fall of his bike He was eaten by a fridge

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Why do leprechauns laugh when they run through the grass? Because it tickles their nuts.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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roses are blue violets are red I am dyslexic and possibly a Jew EJ

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What comes after 69? Mouthwash

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What do you do when a guy pulls up in a van with piercings and a gay lisp, what do you do? Get in the van.

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Three tomatoes are walking down the street... No wait, they're in my salad.

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Q. What is brown and sticky? A. Creosote.

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How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

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Why couldn't the 14 year old find a date? Because he had a speech impediment and girls avoided him usually.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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