Why is Michael J Fox so good at using shake weights? Because he is motivated to stay in good physical shape.

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A man with a ski mask on enters a bank, he just came back from the slopes.

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Whats worse than The Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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a little girl gets raped

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A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

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Your mama's so fat, that during her last physical checkup, her attending physician informed her that it would be in her best interest to lose some weight before any serious medical conditions arose that would adversely affect her health and well being in a chronic fashion.

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What did Jimmy get for his birthday? Nothing, he was dead

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What did the terrorist have for breakfast? Scrambled eggs and a glass of orange juice.

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How do you get a baby out of a blender? Call the police and have them deal with the tragedy.

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what kind of person screaws in a light blub........ a electrician

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a black guy leaves prison

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Q: what do strawberry and a cat have in common? A: they are both red except for the cat

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What did Gene give Carla for Christmas? AIDS

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What's brown and sticky? Human Feces

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Why did johnny fall down? He got hit in the head with a brick

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I am funny, yes? No, you are not.

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how much dub would a dubstep step if a dubstep could step dub? purple

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Q) what happens when you tackle someone with 2 legs? A) you fall over

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Why did the elephant fall into the hot chocolate? It fell off the marshmellow.

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Why wasn't the child breastfed? Because it's mother died while in the process of giving birth and the father does not have the necessary mammary glands to produce human milk for the young child.

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who went to the grocery store? She walked in, purchased the items that she specified on her shopping list, then left and went to her daughter's piano recital.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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