What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it twice.

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A women walks out of a kitchen.

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I got a joke. What did the Platypus say to the Policeman?" "What a ridiculous question, Platypus's can't talk.

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What did the mute child say to his parents for the first time? "My head hurts" Doctors later found he had hypertensitive heart disease and an aneurysm in his brain. He died later that month.

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Why did the person play his XBOX 360? because he felt like it.

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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Have you ever seen the mexican that went to college? Yes, the DREAM act increased the number of minorities in public universities

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Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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Two gay men in a hottub. They relaxed for about half an hour before getting out and going to the bed, where they fell asleep.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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Why did the used car salesman stop selling cars? He got fired.

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Q:A man has 100 chocolate bars he eats 93 of them. What has he got now? A:Diabetes

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What's the difference between a dead baby in my garage and a Ferrari in my garage? I don't have a Ferrari.

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Simon Cowell's hair is real.

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How can you tell Egyptian Bees are tired? When they put down their suitcases and yell "IM Tired!"

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What's the difference between a black man with a pie and an asian with an apple. They're of different ethnicitiesand cultures, and are holding different foods.

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do you know a really good joke? i don't have one.

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why did the koala fall out of the tree it was dead why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree it was hit by the first koala why did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree it thought it was a game why did the 4th koala fall out of the tree it was fit by a fridge why did the 5th koala fall out of the tree it was inside the fridge why did the 6th koala fall out of the tree it was punished for dropping a fridge why did the 7th koala fall out of the tree it committed suicide after framing the 6th koala

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What do a baker and gynecologist have in common? They can smell it, but they can't eat it.

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Black people are clen.

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A blind woman walks into a bar... she stands there confused because she is blind and can't tell what going on.

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Why did little Timmy get absolutely nothing for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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roses are red, violets are not, this poem makes no sense. Bananas

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a man walks into a bar.......ouch

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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