Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

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What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

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It's a scientific fact that if you took all the veins out of your body, and lined them up end to end, you would die.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Why dont you ask the chicken.

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i have 2 penises

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Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems nice tits.

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knock knock. who's there? whoer whoer who? whoer you?

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Knock Knock Who's There? Bad-mannered Bad-mannered who? F*ck Off

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I had sex with the Earth, and out came global warming...Imagine what will happen if i had sex with Obama?

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What is the difference between a bench and a mexican? the bench is an object

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What's worst than Rick Perry? Two Rick Perrys.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive Cause she's a woman

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What do you call an elderly women who after the death of her late husband had many enconters witb men? A whore.

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In Soviet Russia! People were much more finacially secure than they are now.

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What's brown, hairy and goes up and down? A kiwifruit in an elevator.

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What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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What did one guy say to the other guy?? Well he just hi but hi backwards is ih and that reminded him of his days in Nahm because that's what his Sargent said and that reminded him of ice-cream because his Sargent smelled like ice-cream and that reminded him of the song that the ice-cream played which reminded him of Disney world which reminded him of a priest raping little boys which mad him laugh because that reminded him of a Jew picking up a penny which reminded him of Osama be shot in the f**k**g face and that reminded him to say how are you to the other guy.

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What did the terrorist have for breakfast? Scrambled eggs and a glass of orange juice.

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What did Tommy's father tell him on Christmas? Nothing, he was violently stabbed to death on Christmas Eve.

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Why does Michael J. Fox make a great milkshake? Because he's had a successful career where he has made a substantial amount of money, allowing him to purchase high quality ingredients.

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If life gives you melons ... You might be dyslexic

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why did the kid kill himslelf? he was bullied.

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Yo momma's so short, it's probably because she's in a wheelchair.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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