How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head under water.

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Two parrots are in a cage. The one looks at the other one and says, "answer the phone," and the other one says, "where are my car keys."

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I'm not racist... Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

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This one time at band camp....I put a flute in it's proper storage compartment.

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Q: How do you get a one armed Pollock out of a tree? A: Call the fire department.

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Your momma is so fat that she has really high cholesterol but also an undoubtedly warm personality.

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Like Harry Potter? Like anti-jokes? Check these out: http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38139-why-did-dumbledore-fall-off-the-astronomy-tower-because-snape-killed-him http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38140-knock-knock-who-s-there-you-know-you-know-who-call-him-voldemort-fear-of-a-name-increases-fear-of-the http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38141-a-black-kid-an-asian-kid-and-a-jewish-kid-walk-into-a-barrier-they-are-students-at-hogwarts-school

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There are 2 muffins sitting in an oven. Neither of the muffins say anything because muffins can't talk.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? About 3:26 PM Eastern Standard Time.

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The Aristocrats

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What do you call a bad joke? Unfunny.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He had a heart attack

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What do homeless people get for Christmas? Nothing, they are homeless.

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A man and his son are in a store, the man says to his son, "That candy bar has your name on it." The son replies, "I wish that you didn't name me Butterfingers." The dad answers, "I wish that you were never born."

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Why are haikus dumb Because they are just stupid Get it a haiku It is a haiku hashaha

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What did the white guy the black guy and the Asian all have in common Penises

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Why do birds suddenly appear? If you were more observant, you would notice they usually approach gradually.

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Why did the chicken cross the road ? To get to the gay guy's house . Knock knock . Who's there? The chicken.

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I wanted to burn some calories, so i lit a fat kid on fire

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how many black guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? who cares even if they could screw it in it wouldnt work because there to poor to aford electricity

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When is a door not a door? When it was never actually a door in the first place and you just thought, for whatever reason, that i was.

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Satan called. I put him on hold.

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Why couldn't dracula's wife get to sleep? She had insomnia.

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In Soviet Russia, people are dying of starvation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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