What do you call a old guy watching little kids in a pool? a life guard

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What if Chuck Norris got shot by a bullet? The most interesting man in the world would save him.

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Bob: The whale is a creature that isn't naturally capable of creating any kind of technologically advanced unit of operations? Spectator: Was that actually a question or a statement? Bob: To be candid, occasionally my mind registers the practically indelible impression that I am not competent enough to effectively articulate my relatively subtle thoughts of philosophical value. Spectator: What'd you attempt to explicate? Bob: Hello, contemporary. Spectator: That's definitely considerably better than, "Benevolent greeting to you, fellow indigenous inhabitants of the magnificant, planetary cynosure, Earth Prime." You've managed to improve! Bob: I shall try to emulate those simpletons of this planet in order to garner new allies. Maybe next time I should just stick with some traditional routines that many people currently practice on a daily basis. Now, it's time to examine some "test subjects" so to educate myself further on the nature of my numerous classmates, purported facillitators etc. Spectator: Bye. Bob: See you next time! Wow... I amaze myself with my ability to efficiently adapt to my circumstantial situations. I mean, I am a ninja student who has developed new skills at communication! Wait... nevermind. Bystander: man, were you just soliloquizing... and personally enjoying it? Bob: Ehhh,... No? Bystander: Was that a statement or a question?

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When is a door not a door? When it was never actually a door in the first place and you just thought, for whatever reason, that i was.

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, the bartender, a known drug smuggler for the Mexican Cartel fires three shotgun rounds. As the bartender reloads Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks first the shotgun out of the man's hands followed by three very quick blows to the head. The bartender goes down unconscious and he is arrested. Though the program is no longer produced, Walker Texas Ranger was a somewhat enjoyable, although poorly written and low budgeted made for television action crime drama series produced from April 21, 1993 to May 19, 2001.

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Who is Soulja Boy's best friend? YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Ask me if I'm an orange. Are you an orange? No...........

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Hey what time is it. 3:15

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Why was it so easy for Superman to pick up chics? His butt ox.

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What's grosser than gross? Grosser. What's grosser than that? Grossest.

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Whats black and white and red all over? An interracial aborted fetus

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So this guy and his monkey walk into a bar, I forget the rest of the joke but your mothers a whore.

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once there was a man named steve. he happily sniffs pot every day after work. especially on sundays. one day, his family finds him sniffing pot. they are disgusted and disappointed in his bad decisions. so they join him

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An underaged man walks into a bar. He orders a beer, but the bartender says we don't serve minors. The boy then rushes out if the bar for fear of being caught.

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

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A man walked into the white house and security escorted him out because he didn't have a pass.

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Why did Hitler smell the flower? Chicken dick.

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whats slower then a turtle A FATTY

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile"

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance ? it was dead.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

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There were a boy with cancer, and when a said "were" is because he is dead now

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? Answer: A Pilot

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Yo Momma's sooo fat that the speed of light at her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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