what kind of road kill is green and smells like cookies?

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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I'm at a payphone. Though I'm out of change so I'm unable to call my girlfriend and break up with her.

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Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on its own? The kickstand was broken and the child whom of which owned the bicycle no longer had the need for training wheels.

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What did the cow say to the chicken crossing the road? Moo

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Why did Little Timmy eat Smarties before school? Because he was hungry.

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What do you tell a woman who claims that she is going to yell "fire" in a crowded movie theater? That doing so could result in serious injuries or even death, and that she would be wise to reconsider her future options, as she could be held responsible for any and all problems that arise.

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What happens when you put a baby in the microwave? I don't know, cause I was to busy jerking off.

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wh did a man all of his bike? It was a wet and slippery day, he had a lack of control and concentration

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

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Red are roses Blue are violets Dyslexic am I.

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Why did jimmy fall off the swing? He had no arms or legs Knock knock Who's there? Not jimmy

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sky diving? I don't know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.

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Why was Justin Beiber Booed off the stage. Because I spelt his last name incorrectly.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Sally had no arms. Knock knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

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What's clear and looks like water? Water.

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What's worse than a monkey attack. Nothing monkey attacks absolutely blow.

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How do you make Jacob cry? Take away his xbox

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Well none today because today is Saturday... maybe tomorrow

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It's not gay until eyes meet or tips touch.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a worm on the other side. And the more pressing question is why do i watch a chicken in my free time

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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