A man walks into a bar. Three hours later, ambulances arrived, because the man was knocked out. The man who saved was known as a hero, and was awarded a medal for his good deed.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Why do black people eat Kentucky Fried Chicken? Because there is Protein in chicken and without protein their bodies would succumb to such diseases as Kwashiorkor and Cachexia.

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How to make deep fried chicken. Step 1: Go to your local swimming pool. Step 2: Throw a dead chicken into the deep end. Step 3: Strike the chicken with lightning. Step 4: Remove your newly fried chicken. Enjoy!

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What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk

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two peanuts walked into a bar they both sat down and immediately left once they found out the bar was serving peanuts.

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Why did the boy's house get destroyed? It was bombed.

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How does Hitler tie his shoes? with little Nazis!

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Tim: Ya know what was wondering? Paul: What? Tim: Actually, I'm not wondering about it anymore.

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There was 3 friends named Crap, Manners, and Shut up. They all had mental mothers.

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? Because she is enjoying the meal her husband has prepared for her after a long day at her second full-time job of the day

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Why did the booger throw a fit? Because it was getting picked on.

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What's brown and sticky? Feces.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Listen, it's a free country.

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Why did the man feel like he was flying? Because he had just committed suicide by jumping off of a tall building.

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What do you call a truck full of dead babies? Not enough.

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? Because she was hit by a truck.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

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What's the difference between a Pimple and a Priest? One waits till you're 13 to "come" on your face.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "why the long face?" The horse replies, "I am Sarah Jessica Parker."

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if john has 400 cookies and eats 300 what does he have left? diabetes

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Whats green has 4 legs and would kill someone if it fell out of a tree??? A pool table.....

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What did the fat man say to the other far man Hey your fat

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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