knock knock who's there? john john who? john opens his mouth only to be gunned down by a terrorist attack

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How do you stop a black kid from jumping around in your bedroom? Chuck him out of the house.

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How do you get an elephant into a freezer? You stuff him in there!!

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What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Jokes related to finding a worm in an apple.

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What did the marshmallow say to the other marshmallow? We are both bananas.

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Roses are red My balls are blue Get off Unless You want too

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What's big, blue, and eats rocks? A big blue rock eater.

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Friend's are like pinguins, they both die when you stab them in the heart.

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Denard Robinson

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How do you make a clown shut up? Throw a axe at it!!

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Why is facebook ruining all of the world's social skills? Because Mark Zuckerberg has Asperger's.

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the awkward moment when you kill everyone in school and blame it on the fat kid

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What is red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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" Want to hear a good anti-joke?! " " Sure! " " Me too. "

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Q-What did the blonde say when I stomped on her toe? A: asdfsdflsdrfjkofweønaweøiofioawef, .Would you be ever so kind to move your foot as it is currently in a position of where it causes my nerves to send pain impulses to my brain. Thanks

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Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? A. An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

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Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

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why did the man shave his balls cause they were unnecessarily hairy

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Q: Why was the little boy late for school? A: His face was stapled to a wall.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

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It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

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Q. What's yellow and looks like a duck? A. a baby duck

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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