Whats white and sticky? Glue.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting thrown in to a car and raped violently.

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Why did the plane crash? Because a tomato was the pilot.

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Why did the old lady walk across the road? She was on her way to the convenience store on the other side.

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Why did the Asian man have to sit down to pee? Because he had no legs.

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Dick Cheney That's the joke

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Your mom is so dirty, She smells.

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Steve asks Dave if he likes fish sticks. Dave says yes. Steve asks Dave if he likes to put fish sticks in his mouth. Dave says yes again. They both agree to buy some, prepare them, and eat them, as fish stick are tasty, convenient, and mildly nutritious.

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Okay so there was a turtle, a pig, and a donkey. They were out fishing when suddenly they spot a man in boat. The man said he hasn't eaten in 5 days and he is very hungry. He looked at the turtle and said "no, too much shell." The turtle was happy and left. He looked at the pig and said "no, too much fat." The pig ran away and was very happy. He looked at the donkey and said "I think I'll have donkey today." The donkey ran away because he was scared. The man died from hunger.

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what do you say to your girlfriend just after the best sex you ever had? I really got great value for money tonight with my prostitute sweety. You should have been there

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Q: Why couldn't Billy breathe? A: Because when the truck ran over him his lungs were crushed.

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whats floppy and smells like trout? trout.

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If I earned a dollar for every time you've said, "I'm too old for this sh*t," I wouldn't have made very much money. You are a giraffe.

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Q: Why did Jesus die for our sins? A: He didn't.

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Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? Because her dog was blind too.

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Knock knock Who's there? No one ever mentioned someone named "there" it's me, Jim

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9 + 10 = How much yo mama makes.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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What's black and white and red all over and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her back

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What do you call a bird that can't fly? an ostrich

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why did stuart buy an ipad from the mall. because he wanted an ipad

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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