One day, I was talking to a lamp on the phone, when I realized I had called the wrong lamp.

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Scenario: Two guys are out hunting. Two guys are walking and a one falls down. The other calls 911 and the guy still standing asks what to do. The person at the hospital told him to make sure his friend was dead, then heard a gunshot. The guy who called said "Now what do I do?"

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Gustavo Andrade

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Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dog house, if your parents are a washing machine and a dryer? A: Trick Question, dog houses can't fly!

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Repeat after me: Silk, Silk, Silk, What's the square root of 465?

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Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

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mary poppins' handbag is full of fuckin dick

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A: Knock knock. B: Come in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ?cash(p)

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whats white and sticky? a white stick

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Bird is the Word. Actually 'What" is the word.

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What did the Blonde do when she saw train tracks? She walked over slowly, looked both ways, and crossed safely

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I'm really drunk so show me your tits.

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A frog walks up to Steve, and says "Hey, Steve." Steve is terrified because a frog knows his name, and is walking.

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Why did the chicken cross the road To walk back

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someone tell england that a depressed guy smoking a cigarette is not a movie.

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Why did the man eat his own shoe? Because it was a tissue box.

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Q. Why did the blonde die drinking milk? A. she was shot in the head by a 22.

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A mexican fast food worker accidentally drops a cheeseburger on the ground. Realizing the floor is most likely unsanitary, he throws it out and gets the customer a new one.

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What does it take to make the best anti-joke ever? not this

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what do eagles and moles have in common? they both live underground except for the eagle!

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Whats the difference between a jew and firewood? Firewood is meant to be burned in a stove or firepit while jews are functioning members of society.

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Q: What should you do when life gives you lemons? A: Life would never really give you lemons...

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An Australian man walking in Manhattan is approached by another man who pulls out a switchblade and says, "give me your wallet or I'll stab you with this knife!" The Australian man hands over his wallet. A nearby police officer witnesses this the last moment of the mugging, arrests the criminal and returns the Australian's belongings.

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What's oily and smells like smegma? Kevin Crummy

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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