Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your mother. Please open the door. Your mother who? You were adopted.

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How do you stop the mailman from performing his daily routes? You fill his house with blood thirsty bobcats

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How many raisins can you fit in a box? It depends on the size of the raisins and the box.

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What did the indian boy say to his friend? He didn't he was too busy studying

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center? Pepperoni

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My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.......i totally stole this joke lol.

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Did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side cut off? He's all right now. Dead but all right.

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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bench? a bench is a structure designed for sitting and a Mexican is a person born in Mexico.

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2 doctors are talking to each other: -Dead? -Dead.

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Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.

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- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What? Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

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A bartender walks into a bar. I know what you're thinking. You think he works there but that is not correct. He works at a different bar. Anyways, he buys a few drinks and leaves. He was impressed with the service.

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How many Japanese people does it take to make a whirlpool? - None, because they're all dead.

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A blind man crosses the street... he is hit by a car

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Yo momma, she so fat, she needs to buy extra-large clothes.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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They say that there's more than one way to skin a cat...so far iv only found the one.

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Two Jewish men are walking when they see a penny on the ground. They continue walking because pennies are not worth picking up in today's economy

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An overweight man is at a gym. he is trying to lose weight because he feels uncomfortable with his size.

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Black, I dont know if you are kidding around or something, but I cant reach you on the phone pal, I am really sorry about the Valium, it was like only 10 milligrams pal, I mean please man, it was a joke, and Ill break up with Line anyways, I mean Alex and Petter are sorry too okay? Just take the phone, ill be there soon, I mean come on, you are the most cruel person I know, lets talk about it

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How do u get high, meet a leprachaun, and touch a rainbow? U find a leprechaun shoot him, steal his pot, and run up the rainbow silly!

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What do black people and asians have in common? arms

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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