Malcom: Knock Knock. Jessica: Who's there? Malcom: It's Malcom. Jessica: Okay. Come in.

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What do you call a black man that nicks your car? All we can say is that he is called the Nig

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have some pints then leave to do their respective tasks for the day.

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A man walks inti a bar and asks for a drink, he shows the bartender his ID and is kicked out because the man is underaged.

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Why is Lindsay Lohan out of prison? No, I'm asking.

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Why did the man read the terms of service? He had ignored them before, and was forced into a scam where a shady organization took all of his money and possessions. With no other way to provide for his family, the man began selling drugs, which led to several arrests. He has been n prison for 3 years now... His wife has left him for one of the man's close friends

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What did modern scientists say to Einstein? Neurtinos travel faster than the speed of light! :)

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how do you confuse a blonde? tap her on both shoulders

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Why did Jimmy lay down? Because he was tired

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What's the difference between my dog and my wife? I respect my dog.

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong WALKS on the moon. Michael Jackson rapes little boys

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Old, Asian, Woman who drive

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Hey I just met you, And this is crazy, I've got dementia, Hey I just met you.

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Why didn't the little boy have a good time at his birthday party? Because his friends lit him on fire.

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Why did Jerald heat up pizza? Because he was hungry.

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What do you call man with no limbs or a head? Your neighbor.

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As I sat waiting for the doctor to return with my final prognosis, I began contemplating my own mortality. Looking inside myself, one question continued to haunt me: “What’s the X-ray technician going to do when he walks in and sees me messing with the equipment?”

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What did the man with candy say to the little boy? I have Candy.

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A duck walks into a grocery store. He looks at the shopkeeper, who then grabs a broom and shoos him back outdoors.

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Would you like to go to my jinga party, if you do save the date 9/11?

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Q: Why are pine trees green? A: Because of the green pigments in the leaves known as chlorophyll which are used to capture sunlight.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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I just flew in from New Zealand, and boy am I tired. It was a really long flight and I found it incredibly difficult to sleep in those seats, so I didn't bother and kept myself awake watching in-flight films the whole way.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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