What's big and green and I gets stuck in your teeth will kill you? A tractor

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Knock knock. Who's there? Dog. Dog who? I have a dog.

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Two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says nothing, because muffins cannot talk.

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What does A.D.D stand for? Attention deficit disorder

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A guy finds a genie bottle. He rubs it. A genie appears and grant him 3 wishes. He wishes for a splendid woman, a lot of money, and a house.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a trunk? 37.

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What's black and red, and covers most of your body? Fourth degree burns. You should say your goodbyes.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was black.

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What looks like a penis, smells like a penis and eats penis Nothin ive ever seen

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What did the kid with cancer get for his birthday? Nothing he didnt make it that far

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A: Did you know that cashews come from a fruit? B: Not really. This is an interesting fact. Any other facts you have? A: yes ("A" was lying)

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"Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave."

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What do you call a place where all hopes and dreams go to die as this place is contained of depression and the lingering smell of death? www.anti-joke.com

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What did the man say when he saw a alien? "Look its a Alien"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? 'Cause you touch yourself at night;

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Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: my red painted d*ck

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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? The pizza does not scream in the oven

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How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

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The last head of Satan, is oh but what you blamed upon Your faults, Your sins. The thoughts of Madness written here, yet potent enough to cloud Your thoughts.... Wait not forever children of man, as eternity is at its peak, the false prophet IS AMONGST US! But what side is he on? The last ditch attempt to protect humanity from a raging jealous vengeful God? Say it is not so! Say that darkness is not the only thing standing against you and eternal damnation... ...Yet you killed his only true child, you stole his name, his essence... Even his Identity... ...Even the Angels white are powerless to stop him, Your maker, Your true maker, for what is the grief of the holy, from which you took his only son... ...As you celebrate once and once anew... :...Merry CHRISTmas, to all of those of you all now left behind... Celebrate it well, as before the world reaches 2017, is where it all ends...

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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A kid goes into the ocean on a boogyboard and then gets eaten by a shark because the shark thought he was a seal.

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what did the obese kid get for chistmas? an athsma attack ,which led to death.

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What's black and white and red all over? A dead penguin

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whats worse than unloading a truck of dead babies with pitch forks? Finding one alive

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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