A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Pete and Repeat were sitting in a boat. Pete fell off. I hope he was wearing a personal flotation device.

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A young penguin walks into a bar with tears streaming down his face. "Whats wrong with you?" asks the barman. "I've lost my Dad", says the Penguin. The barman asks, "What's he look like?"

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Q: How man Jews can you fit in a box? A:if your German than you tell me.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7 because 7 is a escaped mental patient that thinks 6 betrayed him

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Oh you have herpes? yeah, there's an app for that.

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What is brown, white, and red all over? A part asian part white guy covered in blood after having her girlfriend have her period while they were having sex in a club in alaska near a military school that was abandoned and is now haunted but justin bieber took care of that.

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What's the difference between ten dead babies and a Ferrari? There's no Ferrari in my garage.

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Why did simran go over to maliyah and emma and andrea and alice and amanda and Every other fat ugly chicks house? Cause he cant fu*k anybody else!!!!!

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yo momma so fat dora couldn't even explore her!!!

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

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What stinks of shit and has money. Smelly Mc Dee I lied about the money.

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So a dog walks into a bar.. well thats not true as most bars do not allow dogs.. oh..sorry.

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Q - What is worse than a nerdy joke on anti-jokes with a lot of big words in it? A - Although I get scared when i see big words, the page long jokes are probably worse

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but smell this towel, you won't remember a thing.

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Why did jimmy fall off the swing? He had no arms or legs Knock knock Who's there? Not jimmy

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Q: How do you know what will happen when the world willl end? A: by experience

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Q: What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A: I like your shoelaces!

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Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One says "Holy cow it's hot in here!" The other one says "Wow, I'm a muffin and I can TALK!"

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Red are roses Blue are violets Dyslexic am I.

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Why was the blonde so dumb? Because she came from a very poor family and could not afford a decent education

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Well Here Goes Nothing And nothing happened

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a priest and a jewish guy walk into a bar. they both drink as expected and go home to their families

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What is worse than being eaten alive by a shark? Being force fed live goat intestines while Kevin Spacey rapes your father.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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