What do you do when life gives you Oranges? You make lemonade and life wonders how you did it

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Q) How do you kill a blue elephant? A) Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a pink elephant? A) Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a white elephant? A) Tickle it until it turns pink, hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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Where did the little boy go on vacation? His mother's funeral.

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What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

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I don't know about the rest of you, but I HATE funerals.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a Playground in her back yard? Neither did she.

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What did little Timmy get for Christmas after he was diagnosed with leukemia? A gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond because he was interested in redecorating.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite. He died the following day.

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What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

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Are you from Africa because YOU GOT AIDS

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Why did Steve Jobs die? Because he had cancer

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pobody's nerfect

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Why did the catfish cross the road? Catfish can't walk.

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Why did Tommy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Tommy.

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roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

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A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

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That awkward moment when you get in the van and there's no candy.

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Your mother is so fat that when she jumps into a pool, she displaces a proportionately larger amount of water than people with normal body mass indexes or BMI

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? Because she was hit by a truck.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a clown, and clowns are scary.

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What's black, white and red all over? A nun that fell down a flight of stairs

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Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says: "Man it's hot in here!" The other muffin looks over and says "Holy cow a talking muffin!"

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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How many squirrels does it take to screw out a light bulb? None because squirrels lack the strength and mind set to screw out a light bulb.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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