- Anti Joke

How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen? Probably around seven.

How many dead babies can you fit a bathtub??? It depends on how you slice them!

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

Why did Suzy fall of the swing? Because she had no arms!

Yo Mama is like a gas station:pump and pay.

What do you call it when you almost win? You lose.

Your mothers so ugly that when memory sees her it says " Damn-it I hate my job!

Yo mama's so ugly, one day she looked in the mirror and her face was a wreck. Later that day she committed suicide.

Barbara and Martin died in their apartment. The neighbor walked in and found glass and water everywhere. How did they die? -Barbara and Martin were fish.

A man is sitting on a park bench crying. A blonde walks by and asks him why he's sad. The man proceeds to explain he just lost his children in a custody battle with his ex wife.

Let's say you're inside a building and you are lost. You need to find directions to get out. But the building is so big almost like a maze or labyrinth. You start walking until you see 2 doors and each door is guarded by a man. Now in between the 2 doors is a message on the wall. It says: "Dear friend, I assume that you are lost and want to get out. There is hope! You have an option to choose one of these doors guarded by these men. You may ask one of these men which door leads to freedom. However, 1 guard ALWAYS tells a lie and 1 guard ALWAYS tells the truth. If you are to choose the wrong door, you will be locked in the building forever. So choose wisely and ask the right question. Good luck! Sincerely, the owner of the building." So you think to yourself and try to figure out what the hell did you get yourself into. This is a very tricking situation. You have one liar and one honest man. How can you tell which is lying and with is telling the truth? After minutes of confusion and thinking, you have finally decided to ask one guard a question. ----spoiler alert----- So you ask the guard one question. "What would the other guard say is the door to freedom?" The guard said "This door" You choose the opposite door and you are now free. The End [Explanation: You have 2 doors. Let's say door A is losing and door B is winning. If you ask the liar what would the other guard say, he we lie and say door A. So you pick the opposite door, which door B and you win. Now if you ask the truth teller what would the other guard say, he we tell the truth and say the same answer, door A. So you pick the opposite door and win]

Whats long and black and goes around corners? The unemployment line.

Wow, fuzzy feelings, you just made my top 10.000 friends list. Jk, you my favorite girl right now, I mean my wife is always my favorite, but the kind of love I feel for you, is a completely different kind of love, I consider it the sum of who you are, and I cant say I love you the same, because it is a completely different feeling. Wow, I cant believe I am typing this on horsehead network, by the way Red, you better get out of here, or I am going to have to shut your operations down, sorry for getting serious in the middle of this, but we can meet and be friends, if you promise to take good care of my new friend (you), but getting out of this site, you and your crew. So, sex whenver you feel like and friends for life? How does that sound? I prefer long term agreements.

What's sad about a girl getting hit in the face with a shovel? The shovel got dented..

Q: Whats a spanish teacher who cant speak spanish A: duhh. it called an english teacher

What does a Twihard, a Brony, a Belieber and a Gleek all have in common? They all ruin the Internet.

Roses are red Violets are blue I love you a lot But you're dead and I have unhealthy necrophiliac tendencies

How does a cancer patient bathe? He can't because he lives in an arid climate where water is scarce.

What is Godzilla's favorite sport? Nothing, Godzilla is a fictional character.

Chuck Norris.

Why couldn't John go to the store for his mother? He had no legs...

Why did he chicken cross the road? The suicide rate in chickens has gone up 50% in the past year alone.

Timmy eats 32 cookies and eats 30 of them. What does he have? Type 2 Diabetes.

what does 2+2equals? i think its 3 but i could be wrong

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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