What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite. He died the following day.

Did you know Helen Keller had a Playground in her back yard? Neither did she.

Why did Steve Jobs die? Because he had cancer

I don't know about the rest of you, but I HATE funerals.

What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

Are you from Africa because YOU GOT AIDS

pobody's nerfect

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

Why did the catfish cross the road? Catfish can't walk.

Why did Tommy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Tommy.

roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says: "Man it's hot in here!" The other muffin looks over and says "Holy cow a talking muffin!"

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a clown, and clowns are scary.

What's black, white and red all over? A nun that fell down a flight of stairs

Your mother is so fat that when she jumps into a pool, she displaces a proportionately larger amount of water than people with normal body mass indexes or BMI

Why did Susie fall off the swings? Because she was hit by a truck.

A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

That awkward moment when you get in the van and there's no candy.

Why was the black guy running away with a sack full of money? He was rushing to local charity to donate the money. It was closing in 2 minutes.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then I got stabbed.

why didn't sue come to her son's baseball game? because he doesn't play baseball, he lost his arms in a horrible plane crash. besides, sue died in that accident anyway.

what do you get when you have an albino black man, a lesbian middle eastern siamese twin of the female gender, a polygamist indian and a jewish native american? A very cultured and diversified posse of hostages. Take your pick.

Q: What's the best part of having sex with twenty-seven year olds? A: By age twenty-seven the average person has reached sexual maturity, and has also developed mentaly enough to understand, and subsequently process the intimate nature of an adult relationship.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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