Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your ball sack ripped off with a grapple hook

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Deer_mating2.jpg

thumb_up thumb_down +16

guess what? bannanas

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A guy walks into a bar. He meets a girl and they have a great time. He calls her the next day and their relationship continues for many months. Eventually they get married and have children.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

If a brick said "hi" what you reply with? Nothing. You can't reply to something that doesn't speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

2 bald men are standing on an oval, one turns to the other and says "leukemia."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get a camel out of a desert? a helicopter

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the new green? Green

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

whats orange and cant talk? an orange

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what does pedobear get for christmas ? nothing he's the one giving love to all kids .

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock Knock Whos there Cameron oh

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Your momma's so fat: She feels uncomfortable in public due to current trends in ideal body shape and aesthetics of beauty.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

"Would you like to see our stool samples?" asked the salesman. 10 minutes later, I left with 3 new bar stools.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Robin, get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A Black guy and a Jewish guy walk into a bar. What does the black guy say to the Jew? "Hi".

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the clown fall out of the tree? He got shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man is boarding a plane. The attendant asks if he has a passport. The man says no, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What was John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did a black man toss a bowl into the air? Because he just got it from the microwave and it was extremely hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Your Mother is so ugly that men tend to avoid her.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot you racist! Jk a terrorist

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops