what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Christmas presents.

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Why weren't u sad when your sister died? You lived in a hut and were supplied with food for a week

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What can never be seen by the owner, looks like Jesses mom, and smeels like shit. Jesses dick.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have PTSD. Time to kill myself.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? It depends, but most weigh around 775 to 1,200 pounds.

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A black man and a hispanic man are in a car. Who is driving? The guy who didn't call shotgun.

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Why did the man hit the little boy? His brakes failed.

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What did the Goldfish say to the Black man? Nothing, because Goldfish do not have human-like vocal cords and therefore the Goldfish cannot speak.

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If I told you I was straight I'd be lying

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Camon is to Jerry Sandusky as Cole Ryder is to Will Higgins!

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Do not use your phone, I repeat DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE, at this point we do not know enough, as for this kid, he is about two minutes from getting his ass locked in a nice prison, I told them he does not know anything, and I will make sure he does not squeal, you should be good, even if I got to take care of him.

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Chuck norris doesn't make his own butter he roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out.

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How do you know if a woman is cheating on you? If you catch her cheating on you

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Why was the ghast from minecraft crying? His family died

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Chuck Norris was in a staring contest with the sun. He's blind now.

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Want to hear a popular joke? Women's Rights

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Santa Claus and eight reindeers walk into a bar. “Hey, fatty,” the barman shouts. “Where’s Rudolph?” “He’s dead,” Santa replied. “I’m sorry to hear that,” the barman said, looking embarrassed. “Let me get you a drink.”

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A detective? I think more about that chip and dale thing, that was not funny, the classics are okay I suppose, but that newer thing detective-ish maybe. Uh... Do I get a clue? I have not like watched all of them.

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what do you call a cat that cant meow? Charlie Sheen.

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Bang Bang Get the hell out of the house, it's on fire.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Impossible, fruits to not have the ability to talk.

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Who lived in a pineapple under the sea?

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Wuy are Kenyans so fast? Because due to variations in evolution, people from that part of the world have a better muscle build to run at higher speeds than equally trained athletes from other parts of the world.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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