Knock Knock Who's There Carly Carly Who Hey I just met you, and this is crazy So here's my number and call me maybe

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You know what a thief's kid receive on christmas? Your bike!

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What's brown and sticky? A black man covered in syrup.

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What did God say to Adam and Eve? Be fruitful

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There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass This was incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing for him. It also affected his sexual potency and rendered him infertile, Which drastically affected his ability to enter and sustain relationships with women.

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How do you make someone laugh? Tell them this joke.

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I was going to type an anti-joke but I totally forgot how it starts. It goes something like something something something something something your mom's a whore.

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What is the first letter of the alphabet? A. a B. 7 C. Mustard gas D. Because a penguin has 2 legs

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A chink walks into a bar. She is spotted by the secret police and instantly deported. Vote UKIP

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Q: what did the man with no eyes get for Chrismas? A: Reading glasses

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Why did the car break down? Because breakfast was done.

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Yo momma is so fat that....actually she's quite fit and i'd love to take her out on a date.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Why did the woman go in a elevator with Ray Rice? Because they were both going to the 25th floor and stairs would take too long.

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Why was little Timmy mauled by a bear? He poked it with a pointy stick.

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Why was the boy sad? A crazed drifter killed his family and made him watch.

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I have a friend named Dave, he lost his ID and now we call mim Dav

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Why was Billy's grandma not around for Thanksgiving? Because she's dead

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What do you call your female dog? Your bitch

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So this guy is waiting for a heart transplant. He dies.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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A fat guy!

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What did I say to the joke? What? Correct.

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Q: 1 out of every 44 presidents can dunk, who is it? A: How the hell am i suppost to know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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