What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

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Why didn't the 1 month old chicken cross the road? Because by that time it's already a Mcnugget.

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The Americans have just spent millions of dollars working on a pen that works in space. I would of just used a pencil.

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One day a black guy bought some fried chicken. The clerk said: Lol you guys always eat chicken! Lol said the black guy, yeah I am here a lot. Clerk: No I meant your kind of you know... I KNOW WHAT? Clerk: You guys at the studio next door! Oh, yeah, lol I almost thought you meant my skin color! Clerk: You fucking Negroes always thinking we are racist...

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You grand mothers so old she going to die soon.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Names.

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I'm tired of hearing Holocaust jokes, Anne Frankly I'm disappointed.

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Little Timmy enjoyed school He went to Sandy Hooks

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knock knock who's there funny funny who a funny joke

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What do you call a discounted watercraft? It is traditional to give it a female name.

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Roses are red, my binoculars are blue. When your window's open, i'm watching you.

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*puts thumbs up on own anti-joke. Nobody needs to know....

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Flowers are colors Love me

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What's purple and has four legs? I don't know. What? I DONT KNOW EITHER THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

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A man walks into a bar. He is promptly taken to the hospital where he finds out that he may have a concussion.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Alzheimer's Alzheimer's who? Knock Knock...

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Why didn't the magician pull a rabbit from a hat? Despite his choice of occupation, magic tricks are rarely appropriate in hostage situations.

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What do you call a Gay leprechaun? A homosexual ginger man with a pretty green outfit.

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Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, many scientists believe that the first living organisms on Earth were single-celled, prokaryotic bacteria.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? The boy scout comes home from camp

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Why is 13 the most hated number? 13 is Jewish.

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What's worse than a dead baby? A dumpster full of dead babies What's worse than that? One is still alive at the bottom What's worse than that? It had to eat its way out. What's worse than that? It came back for seconds

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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My neighour knocked on my door at 2.30am last night, can u believe it? 2.30am? How rude I thought. Luckily I was still up, playing drums.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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