“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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Why couldn't the pirate play poker? Poker is a tricky game - maybe he'd never been taught how to play.

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How many teachers would it take to find their way out of a maze? Depends on their area of speciality. If the teacher(s) are mathematicians or logicians, probably one or two at most. If they are home economics teachers, possibly more.

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Why didn't the new baseball cap fit little Tommy? Because Tommy was decapitated

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Whats the difference between a dog and a bird? They both fly

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kathryn atkins

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whats bad about being black and jewish they have to sit in the back of the oven

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Why was the man afraid of the fish? He had ichthyophobia.

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Why wouldn't Leena sleep with Ole? Because she thought him to be a dumb, ugly, Scandinavian.

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What's the difference between a clever trick and a computer programmer? A clever trick throws you for a loop, and a computer programmer throws you a for loop.

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yo mamas so young shes gonna b born soon

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Q: What's worse? Inhaling fly spray or deodorant? A: The Holocaust

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What does a chicken get for Christmas? A trip to the processing plant.

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knock knock "whos there ?" "the police , your husband has died" "ok"

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Identical jokes get different amounts of votes

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Q. What did the father say to his son? A. Nothing, he just hit him with his belt. His wife tried to intervene, but she too was hit by said belt.

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What did the aborted fetus say to the recycling bin? Nothing because it isn't capable of speaking, and it was in the dumpster

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Who created Apple? Steve jobs.

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A black man and a Mexican man are in the back of a car. Who's driving? Not enough information to answer this question.

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why do midgets surf in kitchens? because of microwaves.

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An asian man walks into a bar and lights a cigarette. He is politely asked to leave due to smoking being prohibited indoors.

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what did the oven say to the firdge you hot baby

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Why does a man have a closet full of fruits? Because he has a mental illness and there is nothing to laugh about.

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What did the boy with AIDS, polio, one eye and one arm get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops