A man walked into a doctors and said, “Doctor help! My arms have stopped working” to which the receptionist replied, “I’m not the doctor and you need to make an appointment.”

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What have you got there? Hitler's gas bill... Oh.. don't show him that, he'll be furious Whys that? He can't read.

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If life's a box of chocolates, I'm the dominant male.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a clown, and clowns are scary.

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An overweight person falls down the stairs.. They had to be taken to A&E as they suffered very serious injuries.

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So this guy filled with blood, right? This caused his veins to protrude and him to bleed strongly when he cut his wrists with razors later that night- because of his struggle with depression and substance abuse.

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 beat the crap out of 8.

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Roses are red, My name is Dave, This poem makes no sense, Microwave.

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KNOCK KNOCK whos there Malcom i dont know any Malcom go away!

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Once there was a ugly barnacle. He was so ugly, everyone died. The end

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What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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What did the man say to the other man. Hi

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Why couldn't Bruce drive a truck? Cause Bruce was a Fish.

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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How do you stop a black man drowning? Take your foot off his head

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Parent: Please, my son have sinned. Please cleanse him from his sins. Priest: Hmmm, it may be hard to cleanse him from his demons. You may leave him in my car today. We shall enter the dark chambers where we will battle your demons Parent: Thankyou Priest: Alone, in the dark. It will be painful for him, but he shall be cleansed *wink* Parent: whut?

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What did the spider say to the lobster? Nothing, they are enemies and don't live in the same habitat.

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What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing, but he did purchase whiskey with the little money he had to drink away his misery, and to suppress his suicidal thoughts that were a result of his alcoholism which stemmed from his father's abusive nature.

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how do you kill justin bieber? put a bag over his head and suffercate him.

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Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

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What did the Chicken say to the Interviewer Interviewer: how do you feel about your eggs chicken: the eggs are actually my periods. Interviewer: how do you feel about your periods ChicKen: you eat my periods everyday. people make cakes, omlettes and all these food out of my period. Imagine the world running on your period. Interviewer: what are your feelings on your periods Chicken: I have a mixture of feelings. i feel really scared because the farmers would kill me if i can have my periods. i feel glorified because the world runs on my eggs and i feel proud. I feel freaked out because the world actualy runs on my periods

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops