How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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What time is it? If I hadn't poked your eyes out, you might know.

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Two guys fight over a girl. The girl gets up from under them.

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Why was the emo kid sad? Because he gets raped by his dad every night

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Knock knock Who's there? No one ever mentioned someone named "there" it's me, Jim

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What is white and shaped like a refrigerator? A refrigerator.

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what does pedobear get for christmas ? nothing he's the one giving love to all kids .

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Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a bag of dead babies? A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

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What do friends and trees have in common? They will fall over if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.

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Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.

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Q. What do birds and a mouse have in common... A. Nothing there two different species

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Whats big black and hairy? A large black dog.

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- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What? Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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WANNA HERE A JOKE? (no, i purposely clicked in this joke website to simply here to fulfill my demonic internet pleasures.)

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what did the penguin say to the other penguin after they rolled down a hill, and fell into a pile of leaves then proceeded to go swimming, play basketball, go swimming again and then play ping pong and pool? nothing. penguins cant talk

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What do you get when you combine a cat and a dog? A Cog

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How to make deep fried chicken. Step 1: Go to your local swimming pool. Step 2: Throw a dead chicken into the deep end. Step 3: Strike the chicken with lightning. Step 4: Remove your newly fried chicken. Enjoy!

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Q: Why should you never let Jerry Sandusky babysit your children? A: Because, in November of 2011, Sandusky was arrested and charged with 40 counts of sexual abuse of young boys over a 15-year period. A man with this type of background does not seem like a an ideal choice for a babysitter.

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How many Japanese people does it take to make a whirlpool? - None, because they're all dead.

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Knock Knock who's there its black george washington.

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What do you get if Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus have a baby? The apocalypse

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Yo mommas so stupid, she has a slightly below average IQ.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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