How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If a wood chuck could chuck wood, it would depend on whether it wanted to or not. If it did want to, it could potentially chuck an infinite amount of wood in its lifetime

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a lesbian eskimo? The name she was given at birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: Why was the boy sad? A: An Elephant was sitting on his face

thumb_up thumb_down +19

There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

"Would you like to see our stool samples?" asked the salesman. 10 minutes later, I left with 3 new bar stools.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the monkey say to the newlywed couple? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

thumb_up thumb_down +19

If life throws you lemons, what do you do? Well unless life throws you water and sugar also, hen your lemonade is gonna taste horrible.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's a Gigawat? I made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

When life gives you a hamburger, you know you're at Mr. Life's Hamburger Stand on 8th Avenue.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: Whats the difference between me and a ghost? A: Ghosts arnt dolphins!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the grizzly bears have for lunch? Fish and tourists.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

That was totally mean! I mean I was in no way going to say any of that to you! Especially not the last part, sorry that must have been part of the suggestion or something, I barely ever tell myself stuff like that, I mean stop it okay? I mean I totally read it and all but I was all like "I am notnot typing that" please stop it, its humiliating.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the Colombian say to the Peruvian? Quieres lleyo?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

There was once a little boy... Boy: Daddy, I am so proud of you that when I grow up I want to be just like you! God: Son how dareth thou! That is a horribleth and shameful wish! I just called the adoption agency thy areth noteth my... er.. sonneth anymoreth! NOW GO TO HELL! Oh, and you get same powers as I by the way, just for Good measure or something, except I can destroy you whenever I want, I just do not want to because your evil will hopefully make me look good in comparison after I rid the world of the first testament anyways :P Boy: Yay? :( Where is hell by the way? Moral: That little boy grew up to become... SUPERMAN! While Satan never discovered what hell was since its a concept added by corrupt priests around the 1700`s in order to scare people into following their God instead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two muffins are in an oven. Neither of them talk due to the fact that they are muffins and are inanimate, therefore denying them the ability to talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the cookie shader Because someone dropped it

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do chicken and babies have in common? They both taste like chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did one ginger say to the other? W are both gingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What was in the magical purple teapot? Two dying pelicans.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A leper sees that a woman has dropped a bag of groceries on the sidewalk. "Hey ma'am, can I give you a HAND?" asks the leper. "No thank you, sir. I can manage." replies the woman. "That's a relief," laughs the leper, shyly. "I am quite weak due to leprocy."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a prostitute with morals? Ironic.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops