Why was the baby crying? Because he was tied to a railroad track. How did the baby die? He had a bomb strapped to him. How did the bomb explode? It got ran over by a train.

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A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

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How did the person die? He got hit by a car.

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What's Green And Has Wheels? Grass, I Was Just Kidding About The Wheels.

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What do you call a chicken that can't lay eggs? a rooster

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A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

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2 bald men are standing on an oval, one turns to the other and says "leukemia."

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1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

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Did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side cut off? He's all right now. Dead but all right.

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I recently sent 10 puns to a joke website, hoping that one of them would win a competition. Unfortunately, they were deemed offensive.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. This one doesn't.

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what is worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 11 dead babies in a trash can

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So, there's three blondes. Two of them walk into a bar. The third one missed it.

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Why was Luke named Luke Skywalker? Because he walks to skies.

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Q: What did the black kid get for Chirstmas? A: Your bike

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Why did little Timmy fall off his bike? His pace maker failed.

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A man walks into a bar and sees that the pianist is just twelve inches tall. He asks the bartender, ''How come you have a 12-inch pianist?'' The bartender replies, ''We have a genie in the back room. He'll answer all your wishes, but be careful, because he has a little trouble hearing.'' The man walks into the back room and asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie then gives him a million ducks. The man comes out and tells the bartender that the genie misheard his wish. The bartender says, ''Come on, now! Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?!''

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What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at night? An experimental animal mutilated then exposed to radiation.

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Why was the Irish Cop happy to see the Mexican family killed in a accident? Because the Lopez family were a family known for generosity and selflessness. It came as no surprise to anyone who knew Steven Lopez and his beloved family that they were all organ donors and not only that but Shelly Lopez, Steven's oldest daughter had blood type O negative (the universal donor). Officer McO'Brianiganly's wife is dying in the hospital in need of a kidney transplant, doctors have given her just weeks to live. Now, thanks to unfortunate events for la familia Lopez., Officer McO'Brianiganly and his wife can live a long happy life together, just as they always imagined.

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There were two friends, a girl and a boy. The girl had a ribbon tied to her neck, and every day the boy asked her why, yet she'd never tell him. They grew up together, and fell in love and still, she wouldn't tell him why she had the ribbon on her neck. They got married, and grew old, and still she wouldn't tell him. But one day, she said to him 'I'll show you why I keep this on my neck' and she took it off and her head fell off.

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What's worse than falling off a horse? Falling off a cliff.

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What did the pillow say to it's owner? Nothing. Pillows are not able to talk.

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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How do you tell a bunch of Chinese people apart? Go up to each one and ask them their first and last names. The chances of any of them being the same is quite slim, giving each person their own identity.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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