Why did the baby cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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Why didn't little Timmy see the bus right before it hit him? Because he was blind

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Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Neither of them talk due to the fact that they are muffins and are inanimate, therefore denying them the ability to talk.

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Why didn't the jew eat pork? He was vegetarian.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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What do two Mexicans call a stray cat? Gato

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How did the chewy cross the road ? it was stuck to the chickens foot.

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Why didnt santa leave presents under the tree? Because santa doesnt exist.

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Q: Why did Steve fall out of the tree A: He was raking the leaves

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Why do people make fun of Laquesha? Because she's white.

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Why is the boy lying down on the floor? The chandelier fell on him.

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what did the girl say after her boyfriend proposed? she said no because they've still got a lot of stuff to deal with before they even consider getting married and he seriously needs to get a job and dump his other girlfriend.

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Nero, I can barely stay awake, can we chat more later today though? I would really enjoy that, and sleep before that.

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That Rachael chick needs to get back in the kitchen

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Call of Duty Infinite Warfare

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Q: What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? A: Caner.

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Brain fart

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Friends are like snowflakes, they go away when you pee on them.

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My dad died on Mothers Day, my mother was happy. Actually Iied, we were all sad.

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How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop? zero if you bite it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops