How do you stop the neighbors kids jumping your fence and stealing your lemons? Molest them.

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Character one: What did the blond say to the horse? Character two: you spelled blonde wrong.

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Why did the man float in the lake? Because he was dead.

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what is the worst thing in the galaxy? runing out of dr.pepper :(

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What do you call a mix between a beaver and a mammal? You can't mix beavers and mammals, and even if I had said a platypus that would not have been funny.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken was trying to escape from the sad and depressing environment that surrounded him on the side he thus came from. Alas, he did not know that he would be soon hit by a drunk truck driver, who would also die, in a bright explosion of morbid flames and screams.

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How do you wake Lady GaGa up? set her alarm for a reasonable hour.

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what is the square root of pi? crust^2 + Cool Whip

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Anti jokes are funny

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Hey dude ask me if im a tree!? Are you a tree? No

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What do you call a contraption made of a wooden rod attached to three strings attached to three rocks? A completely useless and pointless invention.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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whats worse than the holocaust??? finding it in your apple

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A woman walks into a bar. She is pregnant and gives her baby fetal alcohol syndrome.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot turned into a loaf of bread.

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Your mom.

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A kid is Jackin off and his dad walks in and says if you keep jackin off you will loose your sight. the kid says dad im over here.

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a 12 year old walks into a bar she orders a drink and dies she then walks out of the bar

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An Arian man walks into a German-owned bar and asks to use the restroom. The bartender sees this acceptable and allows it. Soon after, a Jewish man asks the same question, but this time the bartender said no. The Jewish man thought it was an outrage and demanded why, so the bartender calmly explained to him that the Arian man was still using the restroom and that when he was finished the Jewish man was free to poo as he pleased.

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a man killed wife. he successfully rid the scene of all evidence and buried the body under a bridge. unfortunately he forgot to bury the head and went to jail for life.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Japan.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He didn't. He slowly ate it on a warm day although it's taste was somewhat of a disappointment.

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yo momma is so fat her doctor recommended a new healthy diet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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