Justin Bieber had sex with a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Want to hear a joke? Womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call a Jew picking up a quarter? Whatever his name is?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats the difference between Justin Beiber and Polio? Polio was cured.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

how many scrubbers does it take to change a lightbulb 2, 1 to change it , and 1 to make it smell like urine.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Thumbs this up

thumb_up thumb_down -19

This is not a joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q: How do you stop a baby from spinning in circles? A: Nail his other hand to the floor

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the snowman melt? It got tired of everyday life and decided that it would be best if he disappeared from society... His name was Dave...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

If shes old enough to count..... Then having sex with her would be considered illegal.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Why did the plain crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

I love you very much.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

What did the dog do when it raised its leg? It peed.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

A man was drowning in a lake and so he asked God to save him. A man on a boat came by and said to the drowning man "Do you need any help?" The drowning man said "Yes! Thank God a boat came for me!" So the man on the boat pulled the man from the water and saved him.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

What's the problem with blonde people? They don't have black hair.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

What happened when a fish rode a bike? It fell off and injured itself.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

thumb_up thumb_down +62

...Jack Vale

thumb_up thumb_down +58

What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? Nothing. He is Jewish, therefore he does not celebrate Christmas, he celebrates Hanukkah. So he won't get a present for Christmas, he will get eight presents for Hanukkah. (He'll like getting a good deal).

thumb_up thumb_down +58

1+1= 69

thumb_up thumb_down +58

A three legged dog walks into a saloon. He is quickly removed, as it was an establishment for humans and not for dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

some one knocked on tims door, at the same exact time, someone died in africa

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops