What do you call it when you almost win? You lose.

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If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

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A German and an American walk into a bar. George W. Bush got hurt, but Albert Einstein didn't.

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Your mom is so old that her organs are starting to slowly fail and she must be put on life support or she'll die.

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What do the world and jelly beans have in common? Nothing.

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Your mom is so fat that her doctor told her to go on a diet.

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Why do ducks fly south for the winter? because its to far to waddle

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Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo "who"? Boo Radley. I live down the street.

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The boy gets shot in the face, he then dies of childhood obesity.

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What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? AIDS

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was suicidal.

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What did the Rabbi say when the Priest asked how his family was? The Rabbi breaks into tears as he explains his family was killed in the Holocaust.

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Why is did the blonde cross the road? She was trying to catch the chicken.

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Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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How can you tell if a duck is under your bed? Look under your bed

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What did the cow say to the butcher? At least I'm not a Jew.

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Ernie: "Hey Jim, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?" Jim then breaks down and cries deeply at Ernie's question as the fact that he was born without a tongue continues to slowly tear him apart.

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Three people walk into a bar. Eight people follow them. They all go back to Bob's house, except Anna, Jimmy, and Joe. TImes the amount of people going to Bob's house by four. Thats how many people get arrested at the end of the night. How many people aren't arrested? Do you even know why you read this? Get a life and go to an actual bar, a party and get arrested.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns? Because the paint used on their faces makes the extra terrestrials leery of lead poisoning.

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If life gives you melons. You may be dyslexic.

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A man walks into a bar and poops his pants. He left because of the embarrassment.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops