What happened to the Jewish man while he was in the shower? He accidentally fell asleep and was late to his job.

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Roses are red violets are red I think I'm bleeding It's getting in my eyes

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Hey, you are competitive, but let me have the last word here and you will like it. If you keep poking your nose constantly, the effect will actually overlap, making it stronger and stronger, by all means though, make sure you keep some nose working alright?

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A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."!

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whats flat and useless? the walls of an abandoned house where land prices are increasing and properties are in high demand

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Why was the fat guy so sad? Because he knew he would die sooner or later, just like every other human being

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Suddenly a wild bunny appears ::::::::::::(:oI)

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roses are grey violets are grey either i am a dog or i am color blind i cant tell im deaf go die in a hole

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What does the blond say when she walks out of the salon Nothing, she is hit by a car, and promptly goes into a coma and hasnt said anything since

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Did you fall from heaven? Because you look like Satan.

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Knock Knock: I have full blown AIDS

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There were two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Does it feel hot in here?". The other muffin says back, "Holy crap! It's a talking muffin!".

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Why did the teenager turn in his work on time? He chose not to procrastinate.

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thats the same sound ur mom made in bed last night

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Will I be watching The Voice tonight? no.

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

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Why couldn't Suzie put on her boots? Because she got her legs amputated.

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Why didn't Sarah come to school today? She had a heart attack and died.

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Why couldn'nt Sally swing on the swing? Because Sally was a carrot

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what's blue , and you can urinate on it ? a rim block.

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Q: What happened when Cupid shot his arrow into the guys heart? A: He died

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I dunno, I dont grade love, I want to see you, touch you, bang you (sorry for not having the guts to use a nicer word, but I am tired and that is what I have in me now) And while that makes me sound like some hippy, I am very fucking picky about who I spend time with, and when. And I got no male friends, waste of time, why spend time with guys when I can spend time with chicks. Excuse me, just need my meds, speaking of sincerity, yeah I use medications, wont tell you what, but its well, not for my "mental disorders" I was born crazy, and I am going to die like I live: INSANE.

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So a little girl walked into a bar... A concerned adult then told the bartender. The bartender's name was Jim. Jim then asked the girl if she knew her phone number. The little girl said nothing and the bar tender was perplexed at the petrified look on the girls face. Jim the bartender then called the police and explained the situation.Once the girl was brought back to the police station it was learned that she had been missing for three months in a nearby county. The police then return to the bar to find that the owner had multiple kidnapped little girls in a cage under the bar that only he and the kidnapped girls knew about before the cops and Jim the bartender discovered it. The police then arrested The owner of the bar. He stood trial and was senteced to death row, he remains there today.

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In a joke book: So a man walks into a bar. Suddenlly the universe around the author crack. Unable to sustain the infinite potential of punchlines, the author tumbles through an empty void amongst shards of his broken reality.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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