How do you get a baby to stop crying Cut its head off

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Why did the student get expelled from a Christian school? He continually beat other students between class periods.

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sit in the dark for about 4 or 5 hours covered in Vaseline with a huge dildo inside of your arse

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An alligator was found wearing a vest. The investigator had no comment... As alligators are incapable of speech. ^^^

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What do you call a cow who can't produce milk? Utter failure.

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What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, walls are inanimate things therefore it cannot talk.

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A man walked in to a store and asked for four candles. The storeman brought some fork handles and placed them on the counter. The customer said "No... 'Four Candles' a rather amusing sketch performed by The Two Ronnies, a comedy double act in the 1970s."

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A duck walks into a bar- nope, just chuck testa...

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Q: Whats horny and likes your leg? A: My dog.

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Why couldn't the pirate play poker? Poker is a tricky game - maybe he'd never been taught how to play.

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Q: Whats the difference between a trash can full of dead babies, and a porch? A: A porch isnt in my garage.

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How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

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Mother Mary held her daughter 20 minutes under water. Not to save her from her troubles, just to see the funny bubbles

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have PTSD. Time to kill myself.

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There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure. This hooded figure then proceeded to step out of the shadows and mug them, all three of them were brutally murdered. This is why you stay away from hooded figures when you are being talked about in a story being told in third person.

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your mum

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How much weight can an ant carry up a mole hill? Ice cream has no bones.

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A Blonde, a Jew, a Rooster, and a Mexican walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

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what did the penguin use as a napkin? a napkin

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whenever you come out of emma browns bedroom

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A Canadian walks into a bar, he rubs his head, steps around the bar, and walks into a bar. He has a great time hanging out with his friends and having a few drinks

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What do you say to a confused blond? You help her with her conundrum.

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This is not a joke, I'm just bored (or am I?)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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