Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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What is about the size of a sausage, flesh-colored and looks like a penis, if you illuminate it with a flashlight on monday nights? - a penis.

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Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred sing: "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"

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What do you get when two black men walk into a bar? A few salesmen celebrating their recent pay raise.

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Whet doesn't kill you, probably will next time.

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what did the white rapper say to the black rapper? i like your work. to which the which the black rapper replied, thanks.

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How did Richard the lion heart get his name? From his parents.

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Its true... Chuck Norris has no hair on his balls. Because hair doesnt grow on steel.

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What makes my fourth grade librarian hot? The fact that I set her on fire

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SUCK MY 29 AND A HALF FOOT LONG DICK BITCH JUST KIDDING............ IT IS 69 FEET LONG GIGADY

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What did the blind man say to his wife? -would you mind helping me upstairs, for I cannot see.

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What do you call a black person pimping out his bitches? a dog breeder.

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How do you scare Sarah Palin? You chase her around with a chainsaw while wearing a Jason mask.

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im gonna poop my pants. mom said to wipe afterwards i am a teletubby

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Will I be watching The Voice tonight? no.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Mine.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.

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how many niggaz dose it take to fit in al lightbolb?? 36 ahahahh yall deez nutz

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what did the apple say to the orange ? nothing, apples are a fruit and do not have any organs which allow it to be able to talk.

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Once upon a time there was a magical duck in a magical kingdom. Nothing interesting ever happened to it and it was eaten by a magical fox.

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Dolly Parton's bobbs are so fake that they both have silicone in them.

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what do black and white people have in common? when they dont wear sunscreen, they get sunburnt, except for black people.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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