You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

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How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. okay? Why did the chicken cross the road? why? because its motor skills allowed it to cross. dude, seriously? What did Jimmy's grandmother get him for Christmas? What?. Nothing she died two years ago. that's horrible. When did she die? On his birthday. Dude, stop! Wait how did she die? Fine, How? She was driving down the road and swerved to miss a chicken. oh. And what did she hit? UGGG What? Thankfully not me. because I wasn't the tree. :0 oooooooooooooh

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What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a disease, it's called cancer.

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

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Whats black and blue and red all over? A housewife that was recently abused by her alcoholic wife. (from will c. and jack f.)

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Why was the little boy late for school? Because he was hit by a truck.

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What was pauls mum screaming? Rape

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Your momma is so ugly that when she stepped on the mirror, it broke.

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what happend when 3 white guys and 3 black guys try out for a basketball team? They all made it because you need 5 people on the team and it is good to have an extra person on the team in case some one gets hurt, fouled out, late for the game or dies.

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What do you call a bird that can't fly? an ostrich

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How do you make a tree angry Overall trees have no sense of emotion therefore it is impossible to anger a tree.

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Q:Why did the little girl jump in the pool and drown? A:because she didn't know how to swim

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I was gonna make a gay joke but those are insensitive, and gays have feelings like everyone else

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Whats faster than a black guy with a tv? His brother who is a dentist and drives a fast sports car.

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hmm, thinking, thinking, SNAPPLE!

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Knock Knock. What's up? Oh, nothing much, you? Yeah, you know, same old, same old. Cool.

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What did the monkey say to the newlywed couple? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Why was the baby so hot? Napalm. Why was the baby so cold? Meat locker.

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What's worse than being raped? Being raped twice.

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How many black people does it take to solve a complex physics equation? Trick question

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Q: How many children did it take to screw in a light bulb? A: The light bulb was already screwed in and exploded after excessive tampering

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops