What is long hard and woody? A tree.

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You're always working, why don't you spend some time with your daughter? be a good father. But i already am. We're sleeping together while you work every night.

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Whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Finding out that that apple was the tip of a dick

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A kid walks into the car and the dad says, "Wear your seatbelt".

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Why did the cat cross the street? It didn't. I cut off its arms and legs so it couldn't walk.

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What do you call a person with 4 arms? A normal person. (fore arms) (meant to be audible)

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What do you call a discounted watercraft? It is traditional to use a female name.

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Q: What was the pirate movie rated? A: PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

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What would kill a Muslim if they were to ingest it? Arsenic

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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Every time a bell rings an angel gets it's wings. What they don't tell you is every time a mouse trap snaps an angel gets set on fire.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "GESTAPO! AUFMACHEN!!!"

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When life gives you Pure Filtered Water, Sweeteners (High Fructose Corn Syrup, Sugar), Lemon Juice from Concentrate, Less Than 0.5% of Each: Natural Flavors, Citric Acid (Provides Tartness), Modified Cornstarch, Glycerol Ester of Wood Rosin, Sodium Hexametaphosphate and Sodium Benzoate and Potassium Sorbate and Edta (to Protect Taste), Red 40 Make Lemonade.

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What's the difference between a paper towel and a crab cake? Ones a paper towel and ones a crab cake

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Why was the little boy's hair messed up on picture day? Because he was brutally stabbed in the face.

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wow i bet grass is lucky on st patricks day. why? becuase its green all year. *smacks* ow. i kno. but hey im corn.

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Boy: Your father must be an alien, because there’s nothing else like you on earth! Girl: *whispering* please don't tell anyone we are trying not to be noticed...

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What's clear on the outside and grey on the inside? An elephant in a plastic bag.

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Why'd the squrille fall out of the Tree? Cause it was dead

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What is not a car park? Clash of clans

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How many Azheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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what do michael Jackson and little boys do in the dark alone? they turn on the flashlight

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops