Why did the old lady walk across the road? She was on her way to the convenience store on the other side.

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A antijoke? The "new and better" Duke Nukem. "Power armor is for poossies! My ego is going to... ARGH! Both my arms are blown away... well Duke Nukem is too awesome! He uses his legs..ARGH MY LEGS! Well Duke Nukem is dead... but his ego will keep the remains of his corpse fighting aliens! Yeah ego!" Nukem: I got balls of fail...

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Why was johnny so good at reading? Because he had 3. Toes

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Why did Michael Jackson name his kid blanket? Because after years of drug abuse and sexual insecurity led to him thinking unrealistically during the birth of his children.

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What is worse than being paralyzed from the neck down Nothing

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Why can't the T-Rex give high fives? Because they are extinct.

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what is the difference between a puppy and a baby... ...they are different animals

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One,two,skip a few... five,six,seven,eight...(and so on ad infinitum)

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A bomb went off in japan where did sally go Everywhere

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Why did humpty dumpty fall off a wall? Well it turns out that he was a raging psycopath. to add on, he was also a suicidal

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An overweight man is at a gym. he is trying to lose weight because he feels uncomfortable with his size.

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What's long and blackand goes all night? night time

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Three people walk into a bar. Eight people follow them. They all go back to Bob's house, except Anna, Jimmy, and Joe. TImes the amount of people going to Bob's house by four. Thats how many people get arrested at the end of the night. How many people aren't arrested? Do you even know why you read this? Get a life and go to an actual bar, a party and get arrested.

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What do you call a blue horse with two legs and five eyes? A blue horse with two legs and five eyes.

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What are the biggest ants in the world? Ants under a magnifying glass.

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I'm going to live to be 300 years old or die trying!

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What do you call a bird that can't fly? an ostrich

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A brachiosaurus walks into a cafe "Excuse me I'm an herbivore, can I have a full English breakfast, but with veggie sausages instead of normal sausages, and mushrooms instead of bacon?" Shop keeper: "No you can't. Your too big. You've destroyed my kitchen, and my livelihood. I have nothing left. You've accidently reduced my business to rubble by walking through the door"

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Why couldnt the old man ski? There was no snow.

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what is the difference between Rick Perry and Lindsay Lohan? it only takes Lindsay 4 1/2 hours to finish a sentance.

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You have 37 candy bars and you give your friend 12. What is the square route of the sun? Yes

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What body part did German prince Heinrich von Missingpenis lack? His toenail.

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Why do ducks fly south for the winter? because its to far to waddle

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why did javonne choose club getaway madonna wanted to foster

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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