Roses are red, Violets are brown, F*** who's had a shit in my garden.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black. I am blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? A: Fish don't have vocal cords that allow them to speak in a way discernable by humans, and if they did, it would just sound garbled and bubbly due to their being underwater.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If a tree falls on a woman, and no one is around to hear it, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

a brick cheats on another brick the brick finds out and dose nothing because it is a brick

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Don't wake me up. If you wake me up then I will give you a puppy. Just wait until you fall in love with the puppy, because then i will kill it in front of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whats black and strange a paki

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did h little boy drop his ice cream? Jerry Sandusky was behind him.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did thomas make a big mess on the ground? Beacuse he fell of a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q) What did the cowboy say to the astronaut? A) Howdy.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Sonny Bono walked into a bar. No, wait, he crashed into a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what did god say when we made his first black person oops i acidenlty burnt it

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why can't Hellen Keller watch Spongebob? She doesn't have the proper cable service

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is green and can hurt your eyes? I don't know, but its definitely not a laser pointer.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Two Muffins are in an oven the first Muffin says "whew it's hot in here." The other Muffin turns around and yells "Holy shit a talking Muffin."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ten. One to actually screw it in, and nine to stand around and say, "I can do it better."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? "shit"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q:What do you find in the middle of a pile of dead babies? A:Another dead baby!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q: What were little Jonathon's grandmas last words before dying of Alzheimer's? A: Who are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? answer: Where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what do you use to blindfold chinese person? dental floss!!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Doctor: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that your parents survived the car accident. Kid: And the bad news is? Doctor: I have a horrible sense of humor, they're both dead. I'm so sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops