I had vodka + water and got drunk. had rum + water and got drunk. had gin and water and still got drunk. I've learnt my lesson. NO MORE WATER FOR ME

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Have you seen the flock of birds? probably not because they hit a window and all died at impact.

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once, my brother took my lard and gave it to the less fortunet

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whats the difference between slade , and wizard? wham

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What's straight and famous. Ryan Secrest I was just kidding about the stright

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what ate all the ants in the hill? an anteater

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What do you call a dead black man? A corpse.

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why does the world spin? Chuck Norris says so

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

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What's worse than being eaten by a giant bear? Hitler.

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What did the guy say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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Excuses are like assholes: Gay men like to have sex with them.

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What did the boy eat for breakfast? Food

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Q: why did the black man kill the white man? A: he was clinically depressed, mentally unstable, and had a grudge against the white man that had nothing to do with his race.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

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A elderly man was driving down the freeway when he got a call from his wife. He answered the phone and his wife said "Be careful dear, I just heard on the news that someone is driving the wrong way on the freeway." The wife then heard a loud crash over the phone as the drunk driver going the wrong way slammed head first into her husbands car, killing them both intstantly.

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Why was Jimmy so bad at jumping rope? His father's car ran over an IED back in 2009. Jimmy had lost his legs in a tragic explosion.

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What did god say to Jesus. "Dude, she's not a virgin"

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What do a software designer, a civil engineer, an airline pilot, and a long-distance swimmer's support team have in common? All of them use angles and trigonometric ratios to help solve problems.

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What's brown and sticky? Feces.

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Why was the plumber sad? Because his family died in a car crash

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Cole and his brother josh tag team jaycie until she cries herself to sleep while Sarah watches

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What do a turtle an a bird have in common? They both fly except the turtle

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops