A Man, a chicken and a horse walk in to a bar and sit down at the stools near the jukebox. The jukebox is playing Love Me Tender. The Bartender notices the man pull something from his pocket and hand it to the chicken who takes it in her beak and then turns to the horse and passes it to him. "What'll it be?" says the Bartender. "methamphetamines", says the horse ironically.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: That depends how hard you throw them... Q: Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? A: 1 baby nailed to 10 trees...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Mack: Hello Jonathan: Hi Mack: My name is Mack, what's your name? Jonathan: My name is Billy Mack: You liar! I'm reading this post at anti-joke.com and whenever you reply, your name shows Johnathan! Johnathan: Well Mack, I guess you broke the 4th wall. By the way, this joke is over in 3, 2, 1...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what would happen if you took all the veins out of your body and laid them out tip to tip? you die

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats the worst kind of homework? child abuse

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q. What did the atheist ask the pregnant woman? A. You gonna eat that?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Santa isn't real

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I once heard a funny joke, it was as funny as a funeral

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

how do you make lady gaga cry you poke here face then rape here.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is black and white and red all over? Zebra domestic violence isn't funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the difference between a gay person and a Nazi? No gay person systematically murdered 6 million people.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I have alzheimer's Hey I just met you Coopn8r

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the orphan do on his birthday? He burned down his orphanage, he hated the place because he was severly abused.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I saw a shooting star. It shot me.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, FUCK, MY GARDEN IS ON FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call 5 black people being killed in a car crash? A terrible incident

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you cross a dog and a school bus? A dog and a school bus are not sexually compatible and therefore they cannot reproduce.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do you call a guy that looks exactly like Mario. Frank because thats his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the black man say when a blond walked into the bar? " Hi Molly"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A drunk walks out of a bar gets in his car and proceeds to drive home the driver passed out at the wheel swerved in the wrong lane and smashed the car of the Jefferson family a young family of 4, the Jefferson family's car exploded into flames while the drunk sat back laughed and rubbed the wound on his head

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops