A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer, the bartender quickly takes out a shot gun and shoots the horse because he is secretly dealing horse meat to tescos

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what is big round and fat? Your MOM

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Why didn't jimmy get to eat his ice cream? Because he got hit by a bus

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Which disney princess always stays old? Snow White

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what do you call 2 walking Arabs with long beards? pedestrians.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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A rabbi and a priest walk into a supermarket... They buy food, put in their cars, drive home and cook dinner.

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so your snowboarding in the dessert and all four of your tires pop. how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house. the answer is B. 500 squids

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How do you stop birds from building nests in your grill? You turn the grill on

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How did Harry potter open the door? He had the key

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Why was the kid running around? He was on fire

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5 Italian guys from Long Island

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The first cow: are you worried about mad cow disease? the second cow: no, im a helicopter

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What's green and hangs from trees? Leafs

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why was 6 afraid of 7? because seven is a murdering sociopath

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Why did the Squirrel swim across the river upside down? To keep its nuts dry.

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why couldn't three people walk? they were a part of the human centipede.

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Q: What does a psychic have in common with a stone? A: The bible decrees that psychics are witches and should be stoned and something topical about the stone.

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what did the dog say to the mailman? "hey thanks for the mail" the mailman replies "your welcome"

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yo mama's so fat, that he doctors are slightly worried that she may be suffering from type 2 diabetes.

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Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? Because it could see and hear.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is both deaf and blind. Driving would be an extremely hazardous action for herself and other nearby drivers.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench. The bucket.

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What happened when the president cut the hedge That is a highly improbable solution because he would probably have a body guard do it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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