So a man walks into a bar with a monkey. I forgot the rest of this joke, but your mom is a whore.

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I scream, you scream, we all scream when we're chased by bears.

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how do you keep a black kid from jumping on the bed? pick up a parenting book ask him nicely try a time out not care because he's a kid and hes supposed to jump on beds?

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A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the Bar Tender and says, "Hit me with all you got!" The bar tender then ducks down under the bar out of sight. He comes back up with a sledge hammer and viciously murders the man. Blood spews everywhere and many others are brutally murdered shortly afterwards. :)

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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Eric went for a poo in the public toilets. After he finished, he realised that there was no toilet roll. So he had to just pull up his pants and put up with his sshitty arse for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, he was in a board meeting and when he went in he stank of shit and it was a very uncomfortable feeling.

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Why was the old lady sad? Her husband was raped by an angry gallon of milk.

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How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

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There once was a man from Peru, Who dreamed he was eating his shoe, When he woke up one night he discovered with fright, That the friendly old neighbor from next door had broken into his house with a chain saw in an alcohol-induced murder attempt.

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Knock Knock Sadly the old woman was death and didn't hear the door knock.

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Your moma's so fat, she has a considerable list of medical health problems, and she is very miserable.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your mom likes dick and so do you

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A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

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What has 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you a pool table

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Q: How did the black man get the white man's money? A: He walked up, politely asked if he could borrow some money, and told him he would pay him back tomorrow.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm colorblind.

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did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off? he's all right now

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Why did the little boy cry? Because he stuck his finger into a blender

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What did the bartender say to the upset horse? GET OUT OF MY BAR!!!

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Why did the deaf man attend the music concert? He was invited by friends and wasn't doing anyhting else that evening.

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Why don't woman wear watches? Because there is a clock on the stove!

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What do you get when you watch Cinderella backwards? A woman who learns her place.

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What did the man say to the jew? How are jew?

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall It depends on how hard you throw them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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