- Anti Joke

WWII veteran screamed! "You d@mn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

How did Bella fly? Very badly.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

I was eating a sandwich when someone came up to me and said "sharing is caring" So I gave him a grenade He asked "where's the pin" I said " I pulled it for you" This is not an anti joke

A man walks into a convenient store and asks the cashier where the toilet paper is. She says aisle five. He goes down aisle five and there's no toilet paper.

An alligator walks into a bar. The bar tender calls animal control and calmly escorts everyone out the back door.

Why did the kid hide under the table? There was an earthquake.

What did the man say to the other man. Hi

There once was a man from Nantucket Who got his head stuck in a bucket He yanked and he yowled, he hollered and howled, Then gave up and grumbled, "Aw, I guess I'll have to go to the doctor."

A duck walks into a convient store and ask the cashier, "You got any bread?". The cashier immediatley responds, "No sorry, we don't sell bread." The next day the duck comes back and asks the same cashier, "You got any bread?" The cashier sighs and responds, "No, we still have no bread." After browsing for about three minutes the duck comes back and asks, "You have any bread?" The cashier, as pissed off as a beached whale, says, "NO! WE WILL NEVER GET ANY FRICKEN BREAD AND IF YOU ASK AGAIN I'LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THIS COUNTER!" The duck sways his head and looks to the ground, only to look right back at the cashier and ask, "You got any nails." The cashier says, "No." The duck comes back and says, "You got any bread?"

What did the police officer say to the bank robber? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense.

Q: What's the difference between Osama's death and Paris Hilton's bra? A: One is Osama's death and the other is Paris Hilton's bra.

Why was Timmy crying? Because he got raped.

why did jimmy fall of of the tractor? Because he is a potato

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

pobody's nerfect

Why did Michael Jackson become white? He thought he saw a ghost.

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't a Ferrari in my garage

What's brown an sticky Shit

Knock Knock Who's There Not you... What? Pulls out finger gun Screams BOOM!

Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

What's small, black,and crispy? A baby after an apartment fire

John: I just ran over a cat... Just kidding! It was your mum.

WWII veteran screamed! "You d@mn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

How did Bella fly? Very badly.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

I was eating a sandwich when someone came up to me and said "sharing is caring" So I gave him a grenade He asked "where's the pin" I said " I pulled it for you" This is not an anti joke

A man walks into a convenient store and asks the cashier where the toilet paper is. She says aisle five. He goes down aisle five and there's no toilet paper.

An alligator walks into a bar. The bar tender calls animal control and calmly escorts everyone out the back door.

Why did the kid hide under the table? There was an earthquake.

What did the man say to the other man. Hi

There once was a man from Nantucket Who got his head stuck in a bucket He yanked and he yowled, he hollered and howled, Then gave up and grumbled, "Aw, I guess I'll have to go to the doctor."

Q: What's the difference between Osama's death and Paris Hilton's bra? A: One is Osama's death and the other is Paris Hilton's bra.

Why was Timmy crying? Because he got raped.

why did jimmy fall of of the tractor? Because he is a potato

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

Anti Joke

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book

MOAR??

pobody's nerfect

Why did Michael Jackson become white? He thought he saw a ghost.

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't a Ferrari in my garage

What's brown an sticky Shit

Knock Knock Who's There Not you... What? *Pulls out finger gun* *Screams BOOM!*

Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

What's small, black,and crispy? A baby after an apartment fire

John: I just ran over a cat... Just kidding! It was your mum.

WWII veteran screamed! "You d@mn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

How did Bella fly? Very badly.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

I was eating a sandwich when someone came up to me and said "sharing is caring" So I gave him a grenade He asked "where's the pin" I said " I pulled it for you" This is not an anti joke

A man walks into a convenient store and asks the cashier where the toilet paper is. She says aisle five. He goes down aisle five and there's no toilet paper.

An alligator walks into a bar. The bar tender calls animal control and calmly escorts everyone out the back door.

Why did the kid hide under the table? There was an earthquake.

What did the man say to the other man. Hi

There once was a man from Nantucket Who got his head stuck in a bucket He yanked and he yowled, he hollered and howled, Then gave up and grumbled, "Aw, I guess I'll have to go to the doctor."

Q: What's the difference between Osama's death and Paris Hilton's bra? A: One is Osama's death and the other is Paris Hilton's bra.

Why was Timmy crying? Because he got raped.

why did jimmy fall of of the tractor? Because he is a potato

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

Anti Joke

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book

MOAR??

Knock Knock Who's There Not you... What? Pulls out finger gun Screams BOOM!