Harry thrust his wand forward, "Expelliarmus!" Voldemort casually ducks, and fires a killing curse at our hero.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Why did the boy drop his vannlai ice cream?because Vannlia ice came.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

A man died and went to heaven. Luckily, he was resuscitated by a trained medical professional, and after a stern warning from his doctor, he lost weight, limited the cholesterol in his diet, and went on to live a very happy and healthy life.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

With all due respect, I do underestimate myself, there is not a single person I know that has not told me that, but if I wanted to, I would not even had to make the effort to have you removed, hell I had to pull favors and owe people things in order to keep you safe. I could have said the rest of you, but had I not known you, had you not been one of my co-workers back then, I would not have gone to the extremes that i did, you are beautiful, but what does that have to do with anything? Do you think that if I did not know you I would go "that one is sexy, release her?" Even if I did, I do not have authority, I work for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Two atoms are walking down the street one day, and one of them says to the other: "Hey, wait up a second. I think I lost an electron" The first atom replied, "Are you sure?" The second atom said, "Oh, wait. Never mind. I found it."

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Why did the mokey board the westbound train? I said gray umbrella noodle head!

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Hickory dickery dock, two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck 1 and the other got away with minor injuries.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why did Bill fall out if his chair? He was hit by an airplane.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did one cow say to the other cow? Moo

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why was the baby crying? Because it was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A man walks in to a bar. He gets a cuncussion and his heath insurance isn't enough to cover his physical therapy. He dies poor and alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What's worse than tripping over a tree root? The destruction of the ancient city of Pompeii in A.D. 79. Though tripping over a tree root may hurt and result in the victim bleeding profusely, we live in the 21st century and at any time can call a doctor using a cellular device called a phone. In A.D. 79, no technology in this category existed. People were overpowered by the rage of a mountain that they believed was a sign of the wrath of the heavens. People had to flee the city and a majority of them we killed by either inhaling to much smoke or other causes. This continued for over 18 hours. Therefore, the destruction of Pompeii is far worse than tripping over a tree root.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 commited statutory rape on a younger 5, gang banged 8 with 10 and 11, murdered 9, and was sentenced to jail for life.... eventually the case was dropped and 7 was let out early for community service. He told 6 he was coming for him 6 months later.... 6 was so terrified he didn't know what to do... he was living in fear... eventually he commited suicide by jumping off a cliff just off the coach of Palm Beach into the pacific ocean. His body was never found His family didnt get to say good bye... This is why 6 was afraid of 7

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A Jew, a black man and a Christian enter a bar. Black people werent allowed in at the time so he was escorted out. The Jew And Christian have a blast and the time of their lives that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A man jumped off a cliff. He died.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Roeses are red lemons are sour open your legs and give me an hour

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Your mom is so fat, she went to the hospital, and they intern, turned her exess fat into 12 babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

why did the kid struggle in school? because hes mentally retarted

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the cracker say to the cheese? You're so cheesy.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the Dark Knight say to the Policeman? I'm Batman

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Three soldiers, one Japanese, one American, and one Italian were stuck in a desert. How did they escape? A rescue squad of thirty trained troops came down in a helicopter and brought them each to their respective homes except the Italian who was actually a M.afia boss so they put him in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Knock Knock Who's there? My foot. My foot who? My foot in your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops