So there were these two ovens in a muffin. One oven said "Holy fuck it's muffiny in here." The other oven said "Holy fuck a talking oven!"

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Jennifer walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender's name was Steven. His friend's sister who was my cousin's ex wife has the same name as the girl Jennifer. That's what I heard.

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What do you call a man with no arms? A: A Man with no arms.

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What do you get when you stab Al with a sword? At

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Where does a king keep his armies? In his sleevies

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Black people don't exist. Their skin is rather of a brown tone.

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Who won the race through the underpass, the black man or the polish man? The black man as he crossed the finish line several seconds earlier.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because blind people aren't allowed to drive in the United States.

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why did the chicken cross the road? the sudden lack of sidewalk dictated as such.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? When he first entered the world, Chicken was a lonely bird. Nobody else liked him. Not even his mother. He was small and scrawny, and whenever the farmer came to feed the pigs or shear the sheep, he would get scared and hide in between two pieces of wood. One day Chicken woke up and his family was gone. Although they had never loved him, his heart was tender, and he was desperately concerned for them. After hours of searching for them, he overheard Cow speaking to Horse: "It's a tragedy, really. They were such a happy family. But now their off to the land of KFC, forever lost in the sea of chicken wings. But Chicken was determined to change his family's fate. He escaped the barn and ran into the woods. There he traveled day by day, and at night he hid from the hungry wolves. Life in the forest was tough, but no tougher than the loss of loved ones, so he kept going. On and on and on, until the forest ended and the city began. It was a new world to Chicken. He had never seen so many different buildings and contraptions. His eyes had never before held the wonder of the majesty of such a strange place. After traveling through the dangerous alleys of the city, he finally found it: the terrible land of KFC. The place where humans' dreams begin, but chickens' end. The place of horror and death and unfairness. The place that summarized Chicken's whole life. He was here now. The only thing separating him from his family was a road. A road that was so small compared to his previous trials, so incomprehensibly tiny when placed next to the gaping hole in his broken heart. So the chicken crossed the road. Then he got hit by a bus.

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to his barber? ????? ??? ?????? ??? ?????, which, in their native language means, I would like to get a haircut.

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There are two muffins sitting in an oven, one muffin says to the other; boy it's hot in here. the other other muffin doesn't reply because it's a muffin, muffins don't talk. Now consider that the first muffin was a squirrel, A TALKING SQUIRREL!

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What's as hard as rock and as light as a feather? Any object in the space, once the lack of gravity makes atoms to have not weight, since mass x gravity equals to weight.

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the only thing funny about this website is the fact ciaran hawkins is in love with it

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Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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How many pancakes do you need to reach a 2.5m roof? Purple, because aliens don't fly

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How many different ways can you kill a cat? 27, unless you live in Russia then it's 28

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What do you call a black person who was in the U.S. army and survived WWII? A veteran, considering he fought a war and is still alive.

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Once i tried to do math ! She wasn't getting wet so i stopped!

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LOL

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What if I told you.....potatoe

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The original anti joke. What is jeopardy?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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