Scenario: 2 people are in a desert. There is only 1 bottle of water left to drink. Who drinks it? Neither of them, they drink the gallon bottle of gatorade instead.

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Why are elephants big, grey and wrinkled? Beacause if they where small, white and smooth, they would be an aspirin!!!

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What do you call 12 ghosts? A bus accident.

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Diana and victoria

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Goats are like mushrooms, If you shoot a duck im scared of toasters

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what's white, sticky, and very fluffy? which can be sweet or bitter, depending on what the person ate. THATS RIGHT. it's CUM. :D

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what happened to the boy who asked for a hit from the bong? he got punched in the face.

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How do you kill a blonde? You shoot her.

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Do unto others as others would do unto you, said the rapist.

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what do u call a black person a black person dehh

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A mogwai walks into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't feed mogwais after midnight."

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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I used to work at a lightbulb factory... I made the filaments

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Why did the young man have a young woman do cart wheels when he was in his tree house watching her do them on the ground? Who knows?He never shared his feelings.

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knock knock. who's there yourdrive yourdrive who yourdriving me up the wall

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Amedeo Clemente Modigliani was an Italian artist who worked mainly in France. Primarily a figurative artist, he became known for paintings and sculptures in a modern style characterized by mask-like faces and elongation of form. He died in Paris of tubercular meningitis, exacerbated by poverty, overwork, and addiction to alcohol and narcotics.

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Have you tried Honeybunches of Oats?

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What is the only thing worse than being a smelly Jew in 1944? Being a Jew in 1944 to hit the showers.

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What did Lance Armstrong say to his critics? I have one testical

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What's worse than finding jokes that repeat on Anti-Joke.com? AIDS

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Yo Mamma

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Why did William go home. His mother called and they were having a potroast

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Q. What did the man with no heart say? A. Nothing. No living creature can live without a heart.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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