What rhymes with turtle? RAPE

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Hillo, its Spodermen, teiling u i fuked ur bich.

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Why wasn't Susie happy? because she was raped by her grandfather.

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This is an anti- joke

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What is long, hard, and full of seamen A submarine you pervert

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Its very nice.

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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

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Will you please answer one question for me? "Yes" Thank you. -walk away-

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas A bike.

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A raccoon walks into a bar. He then proceded to bite 3 people before animal control got him. A black man, hispanic man and an asian man. Later they all walked to the hospital and were treated for rabies, they were all fine as rabies is normally not fatal when caught early. Moral- this story is racist cause the white man was completely unharmed, DONT DISCRIMINATE!

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whats the same about a red crayon and a blue crayon? there both the same color except for the blue one

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How do you get your clock to stop ticking? Hit it with a sledge hammer.

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A coyote walks into a bar, because human development has rapidly destroyed his natural habitat. He mauls three patrons.

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who else is on here?

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Why did the Jewish man commit suicide? Because he was not happy with his life.

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What's more greasy than grease? Kevin's hair

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An airplane's engine suddenly blows up in the middle of its flight. The pilot turns around and sees a blonde and a brunette. He turns to his right and sees only two parachutes. The pilot says "Ok guys, only two-" Then the plane blows up.

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If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

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I've got 99 problems and they're all stressing me out and causing me to be very unhappy.

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What is wrong with black stereotypes? Nothing! Basketball is pretty fun if you try it!

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Dead babies can't paint.

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What do you say to a rock? Meow

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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