why did little suzy fall off the swing? she was stabbed by a drugaddict

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How do mummies keep there secrets wrapped up? They are dead.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? I left my car keys inside.

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What did the cashier say to the blonde? That will be $5.39, would you like a receipt?

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What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Porsche? I don't have a Porsche in my basement.

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why did jimmy loose the bike race. because he never entered.

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nothing

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What did one wall say to the other wall? Nothing. Walls are inanimate objects and thus incapable of conversing with one another.

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where would you find a blind man's car? exactly where he left it...

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Why did the clown's ballon animal pop? He was a victim in a drive by shooting.

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What do you call a muslim in an airport? A muslim going on vacation you racist bastard.

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There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure. This hooded figure then proceeded to step out of the shadows and mug them, all three of them were brutally murdered. This is why you stay away from hooded figures when you are being talked about in a story being told in third person.

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what do you call a cat that cant meow? Charlie Sheen.

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Knock Knock Who's there Boo Boo who Boo I'm a ghost atleast act scared

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Why would Bill Clinton like Jess so much? Cause he has a vagina, smells like shit, and has cankles.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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How did the chicken cross the road? Suicide. There was a graveyard across the street. RIP Mr. Chicken.

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What do you call a unicorn that is both invisible and pink? The Invisible Pink Unicorn.

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how do you make a plumber cry? pull up his pants....

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What do you call a Harry Beaver? A beaver with lots of hair.

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If chuck Norris is so awesome how come he's not at my house slamming my face into the keybodhdtegdudgegdtdjaowpqhwvsmx vxbdnsksksh

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What did the bank teller say after the man asked for a pen? Would you prefer black or blue?

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Q: Men are always very careful to have penises. Why don't women care enough to have them? A: That's a very good question.

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What did the homosexual get for Christmas off his boyfriend? A lovely present off his loving partner.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops