why did the skeleton drop his juice? Because he has no stomach LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

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Roses are red Violets are blue one plus one Equals two

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Q: When you have alot of hair, what are you? A: Obease

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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what did one dog say to another dog? ....nothing, because they can only bark.

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Do you also think Daffy Duck is really attractive when he dresses up like a woman? Yeah, me neither...

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Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

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Why did the woman pay $5,000 for a gallon of milk? She didn't. She paid $2.99.

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Who's dumb and retarted. A person that is dumb and retarted.

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Why did i write this joke? Because i'm a try hard.

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how do you make a plumber cry? you pull its pants up

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What have the TV programmes Shameless, The Jeremy Kyle Show and Benidorm all have in common? They are all examples of modern British society

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What's worse than a man with AIDS? The fact that this is considered a joke.

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Do you know what Stevie Wonder's house looks like? No. Well, neither does he.

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How many filthy niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because I killed off all the filthy niggers.

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what's better than winning the special olympics?.. Not being retarded

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How do you get a blonde to eat crayons? Threaten to kill her parents with a hacksaw.

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What do you call a black guy driving a plane? A terrorist.

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You can teach a man to fish but you cant teach a fish to man

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What do you call a red light A:soon to be green

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What did the man do after his wife died? He farted.

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Why is three afraid of four? Because four ate five.

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Whats gayer then dancing with the stars? Justin beiber

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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